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George W. Bush (Dubya)



George W. Bush (Dubya)

The White House

1600 Pennsylvania Ave., NW

Washington, D.C. 20500

Past Work Experience:

Ran for congress and lost. 

Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. 

Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went 
bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. 

Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land 
using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago Cubs. 

With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas. 

Accomplishments in Previous Positions:

Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most 
polluted state in the Union. 

Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America. 
Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in 
borrowed money. 

Set record for most executions by any governor in American history. 

Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with 
the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court. 

Accomplishments As President:

Attacked and took over two countries. 

Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury. 

Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history. 

Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month 
period. 

Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market. 

First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. 

First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record. 

First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any 
president in U.S. history. 

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the 
worst security failure in U.S. history. 

Set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president 
in U.S. history. 

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job. 

Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president 
in U.S. history. 

Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. 

Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any 
president in U.S. history. 

Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president 
since the advent of television. 

Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any 
president in U.S. history. 

Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to 
intervene when corruption was revealed. 

Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use 
the national reserves as past presidents have. 

Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. 

Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to 
the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for 
protest against any person in the history of mankind. 
(http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/) 

Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history. 

My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in U.S. history. 

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history 
(the 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker 
named after her). 

First president in U.S. history to have all 50 states of the Union 
simultaneously go bankrupt. 

Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any 
country in the history of the world. 

First president in U.S. history to order a U.S. attack and military 
occupation of a sovereign nation. 

Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the 
United States. 

Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more 
than any president in U.S. history. 

First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. 
from the human rights commission. 

First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. 
from the elections monitoring board. 

Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional 
oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history. 

Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. 

Withdrew from the World Court of Law. 

Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default no 
longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. 

First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors 
(during the 2002 U.S. elections). 

All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign 
donations. 

My biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest 
corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron 
Corporation). 

Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. 
history. 

First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation 
against the will of the United Nations and the world community. 

First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (and then 
lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1) 

First U.S. president to establish a secret shadow government. 

Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 9/11, and in less than a 
year made the U.S. the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest 
diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history). 

With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine 
relations in at least 30 years. 

Fist U.S. president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe 
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. 

First U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more 
threatened by the U.S. than their immediate neighbor, North Korea. 

Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government 
contracts. 

Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated U.S. 
law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government 
contracts. 

Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive.' 

Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our 
country at the United States Capital building. After 18 months I have no leads 
and zero suspects. 

In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented any 
public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the 
United States. 

Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other 
president in U.S. history. 

In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, 
possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil War. 

Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in less than 
two years turned every single economic category heading straight down. 

Records and References:

At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has 
been erased and is not available) 

AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war. 

Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use. 

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my 
father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. 

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt 
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. 

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are 
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. 

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public 
energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. 

Note: For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker 
(they can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for 
war-profiteering.) 

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