FW: French Intellectuals to be deployed in Afghanistan

[Bill Jarboe <billjarboe@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Dear List;

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Subject: FW: French Intellectuals to be deployed in Afghanistan


> New Twist in Afghan Conflict: Waiting for Godot Redux
> French Intellectuals to be deployed in Afghanistan To Convince Taliban of
> Non-Existence of God
>
>  The ground war in Afghanistan hotted up yesterday when the Allies revealed
> plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into
> the country to destroy the morale of Taliban zealots by proving the
> non-existence of God.
>
>  Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or 'Black Berets', will
> be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and
> existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual
> battles fought during their long occupation of Paris's Left Bank, their
> first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic
> points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk
> animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the
> universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful
> girlfriends who will further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the
> philosophers' ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to
> everyone else.
>
>  Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence
> in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very intense
> and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated wildly and said,
> "The Taliban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous. There
> is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am
> talking."
>
>  Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nauseating
> freedom of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and the
> films of Alfred Hitchcock.
>
>  However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as
> inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the
> Frenchmen's' endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the
> area.
>
>  Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to the
> effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate
> his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe.
>
>  Other tactics to demonstrate the non-existence of God will include the
> dropping of leaflets pointing out the fact that Michael Jackson has a new
> album out and Oprah Winfrey has not died yet.
>
> This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies to
> undermine the unswerving religious fanaticism that fuels the Taliban's
> fighting spirit. Pentagon sources have recently confirmed rumours that
> America has already sent in a 200-foot-tall robot Jesus, which roams the
> Taliban front lines glowing eerily and shooting flames out of its fingers
> while saying, 'I am the way, the truth and the life, follow me or die.'
> However, plans to have the giant Christ kick the crap out of a slightly
> effeminate 80-foot Mohammed in central Kabul were discarded as insensitive
> to Muslim allies.
>
>
>